The Power of Being vs. Doing

A Journey into True Self-Leadership

“Man, I’m just out here grinding.”

Have you ever heard someone say that?

Have you said that yourself?

It’s sort of a default way of looking at our life.

We are just doers out here doing. Checklists dominate our days, and achievements measure our worth. Working, grinding, all on autopilot without stopping to consider a better way. A more authentic way.

What if the key to true growth and lasting fulfillment isn’t found in doing more, but in being more?

Yes, it’s in being. Being human. Being real. Being your true self.

This question sits at the heart of my coaching philosophy. Time and again, I ask my clients: “Who do you need to be to create what you want?” Because the truth is, outcomes are often a reflection of identity. How we show up — the person we choose to be in each moment — shapes everything we experience.

The Study of Being: Ontology

I first came across the concept of ontology—a term my uncle would jokingly call a “$20 word” (that was his way of saying it sounded fancy and that he probably couldn’t define it). Simply put, ontology is the study of being. And when I think about the work I do with my clients, this is at the core: helping them become the best version of themselves.

The power lies in becoming. When we become bold - it shows. When we become vulnerable - it shows. When we become creative - it shows.

Where does it show? Our results.

What does it mean to “be”? It means showing up with intention, clarity, and purpose — not just rushing through tasks but being present in the process. For many of us, we think we can just do our way to success. But more often than not, achieving what we want requires an entirely new way of being.

Take a moment to reflect: In the pursuit of your dreams, who do you need to become to make them a reality? What inner shifts need to take place for the external ones to follow?

The Trap of Doing

When I was in 4th grade I remember our teacher telling us we need to figure out what we need to do with our lives. She didn’t mention anything about the types of people we get to be. She strictly focused on doing and we were 9 years old!

Our society is geared towards doing. From a young age, we’re taught how to “do” — whether it’s doing math, doing science, or doing work. But what we aren’t often taught is how to be — how to be compassionate, creative, or resilient.

When we focus only on doing, we can become cogs in the machine of productivity. But when we slow down and turn our attention to being, we tap into something much deeper — our true potential.

You’ve probably heard the term “work smarter, not harder.” But I want to take it a step further: Work as who you need to be in that moment, not just as the person you’ve always been. The vision for your life, your work, and your relationships must come from this deeper space of being — not doing.

One of my favorite post game press conference moments comes from, Giannis Antetokounmpo. After a playoff loss, a reporter asked him if he viewed the season as a failure. His response was powerful: “There is no failure in sports. There are good days, bad days. Some days you succeed, some days you don’t. Some days it’s your turn, some days it’s not. That’s what sports is about. You don’t always win.”

Giannis' perspective refused to fall into the trap of doing. I remember watching the frustration in his face as he gave his answer. Because he wasn’t defined by the outcome of a game; he was rooted in growth, resilience, and the journey. Even though the media wants to relegate athletes to their results he wouldn’t fall for it. He was being the kind of person who sees beyond the scoreboard — someone committed to becoming his best self.

In my work with athletes and high performers, one of the most common breakthroughs comes when they stop trying to avoid the gaps — those areas where they fall short, where they feel insecure, or where they don’t yet have all the answers. Instead, we start to view these gaps as invitations to grow.

One of my clients, a professional baseball player, had a tendency to be impulsive during his at-bats, which would often result in missed opportunities. We worked together to first notice the impulse — then replace it with something more powerful: patience.

Now, does this mean he’s totally overcome his impulsive tendencies? No. But he has become aware, and that’s the first step toward growth. He’s learned to make peace with those gaps, to understand that they aren’t flaws but chances to evolve.

I want to challenge you to do the same: Embrace your gaps. Stop seeing them as failures, but rather as opportunities to become who you need to be.

Reclaim Your Power

We all face challenges. Whether you’re in the boardroom, the classroom, or the playing field, life will always demand something of you.

Jalen Hurts really inspired me this year. In 2023 The Eagles were narrowly beaten by the power house Chiefs. Instead of hanging his head in defeat he used that setback as motivation. He carried a photo of that loss on his phone’s screensaver, fueling his determination to get better every day and become a champion one day.

A few weeks ago, that dream became a reality. Hurts showed up and showed out in Super Bowl LIX, he led his team to a decisive 40-22 victory over the same Chiefs that beat them two years prior, oh yeah, and did I mention he won MVP along the way? No big deal. Jalen Hurts is a prime example of someone committed to being a champion even before he became a champion.

Because the most important question isn’t what will life demand of you — it’s who will you choose to be in the face of those demands?

When we shift our focus from what we do to who we are, we unlock the power to live authentically, to lead with confidence, and to step into our true potential. It’s not about doing more — it’s about being more.

Friends, I challenge you today: Pause and ask yourself, “Who do I need to be in this moment?” Whether it’s a tough meeting, a challenging relationship, or a Super Bowl type of loss, step into that moment with intention.

And remember, the best version of you is already inside — you just need to show up.

It’s time to stop living on autopilot.

It’s time to make the conscious choice to be the person you need to be. It’s time to embrace your growth, your gaps, and your power.

Be the best version of you—not tomorrow, but right now.

Let’s go!