The Three Keys to Unstoppable Confidence You Need to Know
Confidence isn’t a permanent state; it’s a muscle that even the best of us need to work on, constantly.
Who wants to work on their confidence? You might think it’s just the shy teenager trying to muster the courage to ask out their crush. Or perhaps it’s you, nervously preparing to speak before an audience of strangers about, ironically, confidence. But here’s the kicker: even the most successful people—those you assume are brimming with self-assurance—seek to bolster their confidence. Yes, we’re talking about professional athletes, Fortune 500 executives, and Hollywood creatives. Surprised? You shouldn’t be.
Let’s be honest. We all believe that the most successful people in the world have confidence in spades. They don’t need to work on confidence because they naturally have what it takes to be a winner. Working on confidence isn’t just for the seemingly insecure. Some of the most successful people in the world tell me they want to work on their confidence. Because confidence isn’t a permanent state; it’s a muscle that even the best of us need to work on, constantly.
“Confidence is everything. Confidence is what makes that simple white tee and jeans look good.” — Ciara
1. Confidence is a Choice, Not a Feeling
One of my all-time favorite films is The Matrix. There’s a scene that stands out profoundly to me: Neo, after grappling with his doubts, finally steps into his gifts and potential as the Chosen One. In a moment of sheer awakening, he embraces his true power. Morpheus, his wise mentor, watches this transformation and delivers a powerful line: “There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.” This scene perfectly encapsulates the essence of real confidence—it’s not just about understanding your potential but truly living it.
That’s the starting block of real confidence. It’s not just a fleeting feeling; it’s a deliberate decision you make about who you are and what you are capable of. It’s about choosing to trust yourself and your abilities, even when the world throws you curveballs. Real confidence means standing firm, knowing that you have the strength and resilience to handle whatever comes your way.
As a father to a three-year-old daughter, I witness this firsthand every day. My daughter, Ísla, is the epitome of confidence. She doesn’t hesitate when she decides to paint her nails, dance in public, or cook an imaginary meal for me and my wife. She boldly chooses to embrace her actions, unfazed by the need to get it right or wrong. Ísla has made a conscious decision to be herself and find joy in what she’s doing. She steps into her power as a three-year-old, never allowing the outside world to strip away her most amazing and authentic trait—her God-given confidence.
2. Confidence is a Result of Integrity
Jay-Z dropped this gem on Can I Live via his first and greatest album (don’t @ me) "I'd rather die enormous than live dormant." This line perfectly encapsulates the essence of integrity—staying true to yourself, no matter where you are in life. Jay-Z’s unwavering authenticity didn’t just propel his career to unimaginable heights; it also cemented his self-belief. In my coaching practice, this principle is invaluable.
Elite athletes who maintain a consistent stance of confidence are rooted in their integrity. The definition of integrity that’s performance-based is doing what you say you’re going to do. The great ones do what they say they’re going to do on and off the court. The more they show up this way the more they trust themselves. The more self trust they develop the more confidence they exude. It’s that simple: Integrity + Self Trust = Confidence.
Watch Steph Curry at the free throw line and you will see confidence in the flesh. He will chew on his mouthguard, take a few dribbles, and seamlessly move into his shooting motion. He doesn’t hesitate, he doesn’t doubt himself, he just knows he’s going to do what he says he’s going to do and he does it over and over again with precision.
That’s only possible because he’s committed to his process and his vision. Which is the final key…
3. Confidence Comes from Commitment to Your Vision
Developed by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, Self Determination Theory emphasizes the role of intrinsic motivation and a deep commitment to personal goals. When regular, everyday people like you and me are committed to their vision and pursue goals that align with their intrinsic values, they experience greater self-confidence and well-being. They become heroes who are deeply connected to their superpower.
When Kendrick Lamar says, "I'm gon' stand as a giant, even though I'm five foot eight." He’s giving us this piece of wisdom in hip-hop terms. He doesn’t just dream; he lives his dream, pushing past limits with a giant's mindset. That’s the potency and posture of a deep and abiding confidence—sticking to your vision, no matter what.
Albert Bandura's Self-Efficacy Theory highlights the importance of belief in one's ability to succeed. Commitment to a vision often involves setting and achieving small milestones, which incrementally builds self-efficacy and confidence.
This truth is more than positive psychology. It’s ancient wisdom available to all of us. When we are in tune with our vision and have given our whole heart to bringing that vision to life it results in supernatural confidence. It’s almost as if the heavens bestow that type of self-belief to the people who are courageous enough to know what they want.
When we live with this unwavering integrity we aren’t just navigating life’s storms—we’re dancing through them, learning from them, and maybe even delighting in the challenges.
The secret is out: confidence is within your grasp. By making confidence a decision, instead of a feeling, by consciously choosing to be a confident person, by living with integrity and committing to your vision, you can build a solid foundation that empowers you to face any challenge.
Confidence is not an elusive trait. It is not a way of being that is reserved for the elite or just a select few; it is a skill that can be cultivated by ordinary people like me and you.